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| The fork before me seems an impossible choice. Shall I continue to limp, injured by hurt, betrayal, and loss, struggling with questions for which there are no answers? Or...perhaps for which there are only answers I don't truly wish to hear? Surely not. But I find the only suppressive force available to be the one of anger and bitterness. The latter is no better a path to walk than the former. It has always been my wish to maintain healthy relationships...even when the circumstances demand the parting of ways.
So which shall I choose?
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| I find there to be few things better than Jack Johnson on a rainy day.
Unless that day happens to be cold and accompanied by hot chocolate. But such is not the case, so I will settle for looking at the bamboo forest next door.
A reasonable comprimise.
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| So nearly a year ago, I completely unintentionally grew a goatee. Starting from my 20th birthday in April, I just sort of...stopped shaving. I don't know if I was feeling lazy or what. Maybe I was trying to be extra manly after returning from the hike up Mt. Si that occured on the same day. Whatever the case, about a month later, I decided that enough was enough: it was time to shave.
At the time, I had a mirror mounted in the shower stall at our old place in Stevens Court. Oh how I miss that. I firmly believe one of the great pleasures of life is being able to shave while showering. The steam makes it oh-so-nice. So fresh and so clean, clean.
Men, if you are ever able to experience this wonder, I recommend you shave after shampooing, so as to give your skin time to steam, but before doing any soaping, washing, or scrubbing. Something about the facial oils makes things work better and the resulting shave smoother.
Yes, well then.
As I began to shave, I started first with the left side, and then the right. And then I found myself with a somewhat awkwardly angular goatee, but thought to myself "hey, this only looks half-bad!" and decided to stick with it. I've gone through a few different lengths and shapes since then. I also purchased a beard trimmer at one point, a life experience I never dreamed I'd have.
Anyway, the point to all of this is that things have calmed down a bit since then, my shape and length have stabilized, and all is good in Goatzhakistan. Additionally, I've noticed that for the most part, I don't get any acne under my goatee. This seems a bit surprising to me -- what with all the extra food residue and oil and dirt that gets caught in there on a daily basis, you'd think it'd be a veritable breeding ground for pimples. Not so.
Now my acne is not anything I'm overly concerned with. I did my hard time in high school and I've got my scars, but I don't really mind so much. Battle scars, if you will. These days I occaisionally get some of the small, pink type, but none of the bulbous, gross kind of adolescense. However, for Ayumi's sake, I try to take steps to keep even these under control. I can't imagine it's entirely appetizing to kiss or stroke a face with a noticable amount of acne.
To this end, I take an antibiotic once a day, and use a special cream that is supposed to kill off the bacteria that cause acne. Sadly antibiotics often have the side effect of killing off good bacteria in the digestive track, and the cream contains peroxide, so most of the time, all I end up with is gas and weird bleach spots on my clothes. I've grown a little tired with this, and after pondering my beard a little bit, I think I've come up with a solution to acne.
I need to grow hair over my entire face.
It's only logical. If there's no acne under my beard, clearly what I need is a beard that covers my entire face.
I'm not entirely sure how to go about this. I'm pretty sure facial hair is linked to testosterone, which would explain why guys seem to have a lot more of it than girls. Unfortunately, testosterone is also closely linked to acne...so I'm in a bit of a pickle. Clearly the answer (for a lot of other, much less comical reasons) is not doing something stupid like taking testosterone supplements.
Ok seriously what am I even talking about now? Clearly I'm not actually going to grow a beard over my entire face. Can you imagine having hair on your forehead? Or sprouting out of your eyelids? Ew. I think this post is over. Thanks for reading. I'll try to make the next one a little more meaningful.
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| though there are still nine months,
for all the dreading i did leaving seattle,
where will i return? who will i return to? what will i do?
this place has become home, and now i dread returning
but this home is dependent upon the people i share it with
and most of them will return in nine months.
so the question is
even if i were to extend my stay
would home extend with it?
i feel such less momentum these past six months.
perhaps the realization that it is, in fact, life and my life and despite
the frightening fact that decisions matter
that matter gives life substance
and so i feel less inclined to chart it
and more inclined to just live it
to live it in a way that honors yahweh
and otherwise see where it goes.
why not?
this "american dream" is no dream for me. i prefer to wander.
but to do so with purpose.
steeni, that chat was a good one.
if faith is the opposite of fear
and fear is the ultimate reason for the all the
second-guessing ive done for so many years
then i am not living faithfully
and so i should release fear and live by faith.
dj cromas: i think theres a reason fear and pride are all over the freaking bible meaning caused sin. sin caused death. death caused fear.
fear caused the rest.
perfect love drives out fear.
His love is perfect. | | |
| S.3930 Military Commissions Act of 2006, Sec 7, HABEAS CORPUS MATTERS
`(e)(1) No court, justice, or judge shall have jurisdiction to
hear or consider an application for a writ of habeas corpus filed by or
on behalf of an alien detained by the United States who has been
determined by the United States to have been properly detained as an
enemy combatant or is awaiting such determination.
`(2) Except as provided in paragraphs (2) and (3) of
section 1005(e) of the Detainee Treatment Act of 2005 (10 U.S.C. 801
note), no court, justice, or judge shall have jurisdiction to hear or
consider any other action against the United States or its agents
relating to any aspect of the detention, transfer, treatment, trial, or
conditions of confinement of an alien who is or was detained by the
United States and has been determined by the United States to have been
properly detained as an enemy combatant or is awaiting such
determination.'. God save America.
Addition: The Supreme Court, in 1992, recognized that "the writ of habeas corpus is the fundamental instrument for
safeguarding individual freedom against arbitrary and lawless state
action." Much has changed in fourteen years.
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